You Never Go Full Retard....

So for some reason the holiday movie of choice on Encore today is 'Radio', starring Cuba Gooding, Jr.  Now the heated family debate is, who played a better handicap:  Cuba or Leonardo Dicaprio in 'What's Eating Gilbert Grape'.  I think Leo killed it and set the bar too high for people like Cuba to come around and try to compete.  I don't know what kind of awards Leo won, but it was definately an Oscar/Emmy/Tony/Espy award winning performance.  Although, as I watch more of this movie I start to think Cuba absolutely nails what I think an energetic, african american handicapped person would be like.  The only problem is he looks 35 and he's still in high school.  I'm pretty sure at some point the school just say fuck it, its a lost cause and give them an honorary diploma.

Who Played a Better Ruh-tard?

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas from Nuts

Or whatever the fuck this holiday really is.  We all know Jesus was born in May so lets throw that out the window.  I think little Cindy Lou Who was right.  What is Christmas really about?  All the presents?  Where's the love?  Actually, speaking of Cindy Lou Who, you guys know that bitch is crazy now right?  Taylor Momsen.  Used to be cute little Cindy Lou Who, now is a goth rocker cunt bag ( I only say that because she plays Jenny Humphrey on Gossip Girls and is a total bitch.  And yes, I watch Gossip Girls.  Fuck you.)  Now for some christmas cheer, here are the girls of Gossip Girl.  And remember while you look at these Taylor Momsen is only 17.  Perverts.

Blake Lively - Serena van der Woodsen

Leighton Meester - Blair Waldorf

Taylor Momsen - Jenny Humphrey

God Damn Car Commercials.....

Fucking car commercials always stealing my music. Then I look like the dick when people get in my car and go, "Oh, this is from that new Yaris commercial!". No, its from a good fucking band. Shut up and get in the god damn Prius. Yaris...pfff, who the fuck would buy a Yaris anyway?













"But he smells like ranch dressing....." Ha, fuck that kid.  Blue Cheese is where its at.

Its Murdaaaaaaa......

Just kidding! Its 2 years for gun chargesssssssss.....

NYDailyNews.com - Rapper Ja Rule is headed to prison for two years after pleading guilty Monday for driving with a loaded gun after a 2007 concert.

"This isn't a good day, fellas," the one-time Grammy nominee said grimly as he left Manhattan Supreme Court.

The plea to attempted weapon possession in the second degree, a violent felony, came just before his trial was scheduled to start.

Ja Rule, 34, whose real name is Jeffrey Atkins, was busted with a loaded .40-caliber Taurus pistol inside his Mercedes-Benz Maybach as he and two pals left the Beacon Theater on the upper West Side following a Lil Wayne & Friends concert in July 2007.

Lil Wayne, real name Dwayne Carter, was also arrested for gun possession that night. He took the same plea as Ja Rule but received only one year in jail. He was released from Rikers recently after an eight-month stint.

So first things first, A: I didn't even know Ja Rule was still alive, and B: I didn't know he made enough money to even own a Mercedez Maybach.  And secondly, isn't it funny how Ja Rule and Lil' Wayne have the whitest names of all black people?  Talk about straight gang banging.  "Hey Jeffrey Atkins, lets go slang some rock to our homies....", "Sure thing Dwayne Carter!".  That sounded a little racist.  Sorry, not all black people are rappers.  Crack dealers yes, but not rappers.

My Weekend in 34 Seconds.....

Just a total fucking horse wreck.  Truly Devine came through and just fucked my world.  Congratulations to Jeff and Southern Oaks who took home the grand prize.  Quantifier was a close second, being jockied by Joey.  She fought a hard battle.  Putting up a good fight with her previous work history as Seabiscuit in the popular Disney title.  We'll give last to Private Details, being rode by Heather (like every other guy in the bar Saturday night) even though she caused the whole train wreck (again, like Heather).  She was definately the best looking horse, but just didn't want to lick the salt block.  She was much more of a grazer than any of them.

Birthday Weekend!

Its my fucking birthday bitches! Well, actually, my birthday weekend since its technically tomorrow.  I don't care.  I'm going out with fire tonight.  Intoxication will be high, standards will be low.  I don't care what it looks like, I'm finger blasting something tonight.  Even the bitches in the video above would qualify for finger slamming.  Fat girls beware.  I got four knuckles just looking to do some punishment.  I don't care if she's 68 and her shit looks like a bag of lunch meat when you first open it up and that shits all mangled and squished together, or if she's 9 and it takes a shoe horn to get in that shit.  Doesn't matter.  Somethings getting abused tonight. 

On a lighter, less rapey note, here's a little morning tunes to get your shit going. 



And if that didn't get you going maybe Marissa Miller's tittie will:

Marissa Miller's Tittie....You Welcome

Tuesday Tunes

Sorry folks.  Been busy, and haven't had time to update.  Struggling right now just to get this one out before I fall asleep.  Today is a combined "music and what got me excited" section.  Our jam today is "Tighten Up" by The Black Keys.  Solid jam that should help you get through Tuesday, the retarded step brother of Monday, cause it sucks just as much as Monday.  Fuck you Tuesday.



Now, 'What Got Me Excited Today' would be that the Pacers are fucking back.  We beat the Lakers Sunday night, the Cavs last Tuesday, and the big bad Miami Heat last Monday.  The Pacers are no longer the thugs of the league.  No more strip joint shoot ups, or mexican stand offs at the Palace.  Just true hard ball.  I can't even name you one white guy on the team, which has been the problem recently.  Larry Bird is trying to find the next 'him' and drafting all these shitty white dudes.  Finally we got some talent thats starting to develope.  Finally we're seeing some heart out of kids like Roy Hibbert.  I never gave up on the Pacers, but I think its time I bust out my childs large size 44 Rik Smits jersey.  If anyone wants to take me to a game I will wear it.  Proud.  So here's a little tribute to the glory days.  The days of the 3 point assassin.  Reggie...Reggie....Reggie....

Fuck I Forgot to Post a Hot Chick This Morning

Sorry.  I spaced and forgot to post a hot chick to get you going today.  Sticking with our Black Friday theme, here is Tamika Curry.  Tamika is a sexy piece of chocolate from Playboy Cyber.  Since I fucked up and forgot to post it, I decided to give you guys a treat and show some boobies today.  So here she is.

Tamika Curry (NSFW)

If WAHM 13 isn't a bunch of racist news reporters, then I don't know what a racist news reporter is...

I'm white.  I love chicken.  I don't get why channel 13 couldn't find at least 1 white person for this news story.  Then to top it off, you've got 2 little white smokes sitting behind their desk doing there news show with their big paychecks, eating boiled goose instead of fried chicken.  I agree with the one lady though.  They shoulda had a tractor trailer out back with a bunch of chicken on ice.

Black Friday

First and foremost, I apologize for such a long hiatus.   Busy week.  But fear not, its Black Friday!  In celebration of Black Friday today's videos will celebrate our african american cultures.  The Feel Good Friday Jam today is Iconz - Get Fucked Up.  Since some of you were out getting those great Black Friday deals, it will be a MUST that everybody drinks some Four Loko's tonight to stay pumped and ready to go.  In case your local liquor store has pussed out on selling awesomeness in a can, have no fear!  21st Amendment liqour stores are still selling them.  United Package Liquors, however, have pulled them from their shelves.



P.S.  Anyone found this fucking leprechaun yet?

Feel Good Friday

Today is 'Feel Good Friday'.   To start things off, this is my going out jam.  Throw this bad boy on right before you go out, it'll make you feel like a million bucks.  Just overflowing with confidence.  Just ready to fingerblast every 10 that walks your way.  If that doesn't get your shit moving today, then this should:

Candace Swanepoel

What Got Me Excited Today

NBC Thursday night line up.  I know its going on as we speak, but this is my shit come Thursday night.  Right now 'Community' is killing it as always.  Episode by episode Annie gets hotter and hotter.  Her and Britta are a dream 3-way.  Yup said it.

And as always 30 Rock and The Office will be great.  As long as they show Cerie on 30 Rock and a lot of Erin on The Office.

Celebrity Hindenburg

Introducing the first member to my Celebrity Hindenburg.  Whats that?  I haven't told you what my Celebrity Hindenburg is?  Well gather 'roud kiddo's cause its story time.  There are many celebrities out there that just suck.  Period.  For some reason or other they have become famous.  Usually they have no talent, but for some reason the general public is smitten by them.  Some examples: The Kardashians,  The Jersey Shore Cast, any reality tv stars, ect.  Then there are those that create music or movies, but still have absolutely no talent.  Just a manufactured sound by the studio.  These people belong on what I call The Celebrity Hindenburg.  I would like to get these people on a plane and make sure that plane crashes straight into the side of a fucking mountain.  No survivors.  And if they do survivor, they eat each other until there is one left who then gets eaten by a bear.

Sitting coach, aisle 1 seat A:  Ke$ha.  Just an absolute piece of shit.  Songs are fucking terrible.  Every interview I've seen of her she seems so uniterested and bored because these guys are asking questions using words with more than 2 syllables and she can't comprehend what they're asking.  Just your typical pretty face with a manufactured sound.  Wait, wait, wait....pretty face?  I think I spoke to soon:

UGH!!!! Seriously? WTF?  How is this broad famous.  Sounds like shit.  Looks like shit.  Must be shit.

Throwback Thursday

Sorry, a little late today. Didn't get a chance to get to the computer until now. Today is Throwback Thursday and our jam is 'Pusherman' by Curtis Mayfield. Just an old school G. If that doesn't get you going, this should:

Marissa Miller

Complaint #1

Well less than 24 hours into the illegitimate birth of this blog, we have received our first complaint. The first complaint comes from a gentleman named Trevor Joyce Mercie. He was offended that we used his initials in the title of the blog. Since it was requested respectfully, and he said he'd buy me two 4 Loko's this weekend (If not the name goes right back) we're going to change it for him.

So now the new name, Forrest Wasnt Handicapped. Just a ruhtard.

What Got Me Excited Today

I've never watched one episode of Glee, nor do I plan on it.  But I hope, for the sake of awesome photo shoots like this one, that it thrives.  I've never been a fan of choir-esque musicals especially when all they do is shitty songs.  However, if these kids ever do the Disney Classics, and do them justice, well, you might just make a fan out of me.

Don't Fuck With Sir Elton John

Its not the AIDS you gotta worry about with this guy, its his forehand lob shot.  But seriously, I love me some Sir Elt.

Say It Ain't So! 4 Loko a No No

Gawker.com - The caffeine-infused cultural phenomenon known as Four Loko will no longer contain caffeine, guarana or taurine, according to a statement last night from its producer, Phusion Projects. The company remained defiant, saying, "the combination of alcohol and caffeine is safe."
Doctors would disagree with that statement, but whatever. And what is Four Loko without the caffeine? Another run of the mill, shitty alcoholic beverage in a can. Several states have moved to ban the drink, and the FDA is expected to say that it doesn't like Four Loko very much either, maybe even today.

Say it ain't so!  Looks like I'm going to have to get drunk the old fashioned way.  Instead of being able to buy 2 of these for 6 bucks, drink em' down, and have a pretty decent buzz for pregaming, now I'm going to have to buy a fifth of jager and a 4 pack of red bull for 28 bucks and get twice as blacked out from pregaming.  Thanks a lot FDA.  Not only do you affect my pocket book, but now I'm going to drink more.  Thank you.

The real kicker of this that pisses me off is Washington, who took the first step to banning these, only did so after 4 kids fell ill from the beverage.  The thing is, all 4 of those kids were under 21.  Typical right?  Kids under 21 being pussies and ruining it for the rest.  If anything they should be fighting underage drinking.  Banning this drink will not change anything.  Now kids are going to be taking Jager to the face with a couple of rails of blow to achieve that mysterious 4 Loko-ness.  Thanks Washington.  Now kids are doing blow since they can't have their 4 Loko.  Good move.

God Damn It. Another Reason The North Koreans Are Going To Take Over America

Just another reason why the future of America is screwed.  While our American 13 year old boys are running around the park selling cup cakes, little Toshiba Mitsubishi here is doing things like this:

PS - I'm siding with Michael Wolfensohn. These kids are 13. They should know by now nothings free. They're basically little sugar drug dealers slangin' cup cakes to the fatties in New Castle. If these kids want to work the streets they need to either pay up, or stay off the law's radar.

Wake Up Wednesday

A little late since I was up all night starting this badboy, but heres a little something to get you up and going today.  And if that doesn't work, this should:

Brooklyn Decker

I Will Definately Be Getting Drunk and Going to See This Saturday

Clown all you want, but Harry Potter is legit.  Hermoine is now 18 and a fox (once she grows the hair back she'll be a 10).  Better believe I will be chugging 4 loko's Saturday and going to this movie.

What Got Me Excited Today (Typically NSFW)

This will be a daily section in which I will let everyone know, "What Got Me Excited Today."

Former Miss Liverpool

This is Why We Lost Vietnam

Shifty Asians.